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Excuses

 

Excuses

An excuse has been defined as the skin of a reason stuffed with a lie. ── Michael P. GreenIllustrations for Biblical Preaching

 

Excuses

A farmer asked his neighbor if he might borrow a rope.

“Sorry,” said the neighbor. “I’m using my rope to tie up my milk.”

“Rope can’t tie up milk.”

“I know,” replied the neighbor, “but when a man doesn’t want to do something, one reason is as good as another.” ── Michael P. GreenIllustrations for Biblical Preaching

 

Excuses

All of us are tempted to make rather ridiculous excuses to others, and sometimes even to God. If we would consciously examine our excuses, we would discover how ridiculous most of them sound. Someone has collected a few choice excuses that were offered to police officers in relation to automobile accidents:

“An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.”

“I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had the accident.”

“I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.”

“ The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve several times before I hit him.”

“The pedestrian had no idea which way to go, so I ran him over.”

“Suddenly a tree was there, where no tree had been before!” ── Michael P. GreenIllustrations for Biblical Preaching

 

Excuses

So you think you have problems...Below are some more samples of actual reports filed with police and insurance companies:

* I was taking my canary to the hospital, it got loose in the car and flew out the window.  The next thing I saw was his rear end and there was a crash.

* I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before.  I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

* To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I hit the pedestrian.

* My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

* I told the police that I was not injured, but upon removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull.

* When I saw I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.

* I saw the slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

* I was thrown from my car as it left the road.  I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

* The accident happened when the right front door of a car came around the corner without giving a signal.

- Coming home, I drove into a wrong house and collided with a tree I didn't have.

- The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.

- I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

- A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

- I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.

- I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.

- I was on my way to the doctor's with rear end trouble when the universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident. ── Michael P. GreenIllustrations for Biblical Preaching

 

Reason

He that will not reason is a bigot; he that cannot reason is a fool; and he that dares not to reason is a slave.— Sir William Drummond (1585~1649).

 

Reason

We must always recognize what Blaise Pascal put so beautifully when he said, “The ultimate purpose of reason is to bring us to the place where we see that there is a limit to reason.” ── Michael P. GreenIllustrations for Biblical Preaching

 

EXCUSES

Whoever wants to be judge of human nature should study people's excuses. 

Hebbel.


Deion "Prime Time" Sanders, outfielder for the Atlanta Braves and cornerback for the Atlanta Falcons, is the only athlete to have hit a Major League home run and scored an NFL touchdown in the same week. Sanders grew up on the mean streets of Fort Myers, Fla., where exposure to some would-be athletes spurred him to make a success of himself. He explains: "I call them Idas. 'If I'da done this, I'd be making three million today...If I'da practiced a little harder, I'd be a superstar.' They were as fast as me when they were kids, but instead of working for their dreams they chose drugs and a life of street corners. When I was young, I had practice; my friends who didn't went straight to the streets and never left. That moment after school is the moment we need to grab. We don't need any more Idas. 

Mike Lupica in Esquire.


Lawyer and statesman Daniel Webster was a powerful orator who gave early evidence of his quick mind and way with words. One day Webster's father, who was to be absent from home, left Daniel and his brother Ezekiel specific work instructions. But on his return he found the task still undone, and questioned his sons about their idleness. "What have you been doing, Ezekiel?" he asked. "Nothing, sir." "Well, Daniel, what have you been doing?" "Helping Zeke, sir." 

Today in the Word, September 19, 1992.


A poor workman always finds fault with his tools. 

Bits & Pieces, May 1990, p. 10.


John L. Swigert, Jr., the Apollo 13 astronaut who went to the moon in 1970, recalls how his job almost interfered with filing his federal income-tax forms: "On the second day of Apollo 13, April 12, I asked Mission Control to begin work to get me an extension of the filing date for my income tax. Since I had been a last-minute substitution on the Apollo 13 flight, things had moved so fast that I didn't have a chance to file my return." The IRS didn't have to make a special ruling to grant Swigert a two-month extension because of his I'm-on-my-way-to-the-moon excuse, though. There was already a regulation that provided an automatic extension for anyone out of the country. 

Clyde Haberman and Albin Krebs in New York Times.


A radio news series about honesty in America talked about excuses. The commentator said that people use three types of excuses when guilty of wrongdoing. The first is outright denial  a rejection of any involvement. Sometimes this is done even though the person is obviously guilty. The second is the "It's not my fault" excuse. The person looks around for someone he can blame. (Often it is a loved one - a husband or wife or parent. Sometimes it's the boss.) A third form of excuse is the "I did it, but...." approach. In this instance the person blames circumstances for his shortcoming. Either he's been struggling with some illness or the assignment wasn't clear or the car's been giving him trouble.

Source Unknown.


Statistics and Stuff

Ten Most Used Excuses:

1. I forgot.
2. No one told me to go ahead.
3. I didn't think it was that important.
4. Wait until the boss comes back and ask him.
5. I didn't know you were in a hurry for it.
6. That's the way we've always done it.
7. That's not in my department.
8. How was I to know this was different?
9. I'm waiting for an O.K.
10. That's his job--not mine.

Bits & Pieces, November, 1989, p. 18.


Humor

After discussing how students must at least be competent in reading, writing, listening, analyzing and computing before they will be graduated from high school in 1978, one administrator contacted provided the the following list. The excuses it contains were actually turned in by parents to one school district (outside of Tillamook County).

1. Dear school: Please ackuse John for bring absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33.
2. Chris has an acre in his side.
3. Mary could not come to school because she is bothered by very close veins.
4. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
5. I kept Billie Home because he had to go Christmas shopping because I didn't know what size she wear.
6. Please excuse Gloria. She has been sick and under the doctor.
7. My son is under the doctors care and should not take P.E. Please execute him.
8. Lillie was absent from school yesterday as she had a groing over.
9. Please excuse Ray Friday. He has lose vowels.
10. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell out of a tree and misplaced her hip.
11. Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating.
12. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in his growing part.
13. My daughter was absent yesterday, because she was tired. She spent the weekend with the Marines.
14. Please excuse Dianne from Being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
15. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

Source Unknown.


According to a UPI news item, the Metropolitan Insurance Company received some unusual explanations for accidents from its automobile policyholders. The following are just few:

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished.
The other car collided with mine without warning me of its intention.
I had been driving my car for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had the accident.
As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him.
The telephone pole was approaching fast. I attempted to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

UPI News.